Free Bird
by Pixie-Alice-Cullen
Summary: A simple papercut, and in that moment I ceased to be myself and became a monster of the grisliest kind; a nightmare come to life."-Set in NM.What would've happened if Jasper had killed Bella.
1. Chapter 1

**Free bird  
_Prologue  
_**

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Twilight, sadly, seeing as Stephenie Meyer does. I only dream that Jasper is mine. The title, and the lyrics are from Lynyrd Skynyrd's song "Free bird", which I obviously don't own either.

**Summary : **What would've happened if Jasper had killed Bella at her birthday party in New Moon?

Text in _italics_ is the song. _**Italics in bold **_is the letter he wrote.

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_If I leave here tomorrow,__  
__Would you still remember me?__  
__For I must be traveling on, now,__  
__'Cause there's too many places I've got to see.__  
__But if I stayed here with you, girl,__  
__Things just couldn't be the same._

_'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,  
And this bird you can not change.  
Lord knows, I can't change._

My pen hovered over the blank piece of paper in front of me as the song playing reached my ears. Even the radio was mocking me now. Would Alice remember me when I left? Or would she only recall that I left as a coward? How I had tucked my tail between my legs and run away instead of facing reality?

But this was, in fact, reality. I was a vampire, and feeding off human blood was, and remains still, my nature. And my own private hell. We are are no better than animals, in my opinion; it's in our nature to kill. Basic. Simple. That's always what I believed, even when trying my very best at living as a "vegetarian". I had gorged myself on human blood for so long, I couldn't resist it as much as the others. Maybe I didn't _want_ to resist, I'm not even sure.

No one seemed to realize it though; that we couldn't change what we were, not even Edward's foolish human girlfriend. Every encounter with a human was hard for each and every member of the family. Each heartbeat, pulsing with the blood that drives our specy with insane thirst and need was as much tempation to us than a bottle of hundred-year-old brandy to an alcoholic.

One of us would've no doubt gone for Bella sooner or later, but it was me who did it. A simple papercut, and in that moment I ceased to be myself and became a monster of the grisliest kind; a nightmare come to life. It was almost expected of me though, wasn't it? The weakest link, the black sheep. My family's very own Achilles' heel.

And thus I made my decision to leave them. Had I known I would cause the death of Edward's soulmate, I would've left much sooner. I had tried for so long to follow their way of life, had lost count of how many times I had given in to the temptation and nearly exposed us for what we were. I couldn't bare to see them clean up after me any longer. This would be the last time.

I couldn't see, nor feel their disappointment anymore.

_Bye bye baby, it's been a sweet love. Yea.  
And though this feeling I can't change.  
But please don't take it so badly,  
'Cause the Lord knows I'm to blame. _  
_And if I stay here with you girl,  
Things just couldn't be the same. _

_Cause I'm as free as a bird now,  
And this bird you'll never change.  
And the bird you can not change.  
__The Lord knows, I can't change.  
Lord help me, I can't change.  
Lord I can't change._

Taking a deep breath, I touched my pen to the blank page, my unbeating heart chipping away with each word I wrote. I had to do this, for how could someone as pure as Alice love me? I was nothing but a wild animal, unable to resist feeding, even if it meant destroying a friend and a member of its own family.

That was what I had become. What I had always been.

_**My sweet, dearest Alice,**_

_**By the time you'll be reading this, I'll be gone. I'm taking advantage of the fact that you've gone hunting to write this letter to you, hoping and praying you'll be distracted enough to not see what I am planning. **_

_**I know my decision will hurt you, the same as if pains me. I swore to never leave your side, "through the good and the bad", and I'm sorry love, but I'm afraid I will have to break that oath. I would gladly take you with me, but you should not have to suffer the fires of hell by my side. **_

_**Yes, I will also have to break my promise to live as the Cullens as well.**_

_**I**__**'ve told you when we met that I didn't believe I was strong enough to live off animal blood; that still remains true to this day. I have tried my best, my hardest, to change my ways and make you happy. I have failed time after time, and I cannot bear to disappoint you or the family any longer.**_

_**You are everything to me, and always will be, but I'm not what's best for you. **__**I will forever be grateful for everything you've given me. Please don't come looking for me, for your happiness resides with the Cullens and their way of living, not with me.**_

_**I love you, and always**__** will no matter what. I'm sorry I have failed you.**_

_**With all my heart,  
Jasper.**  


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**To all those out there who like Bella; I apologize. XD; The same goes for everyone who'll hate me for making Jasper leave Alice.**_

**Thanks for reading. ^-^ Don't worry, the next chapters won't be songfics. I don't like those, personally, but the song inspired the story, so I put it in.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Free Bird**

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer : I don't own Twilight, nor do I make any profit from this. Yadda yadda, the usual.**

The wind sighed and whispered through the trees surrounding me. The night bird's cries sounded even more mournful than usual to my ears as I observed the house some distance from where I crouched. Like furtive figures, the shadows cast by the moon above me, creeped silently on the ground in front of me.

I never thought that I would come back to them after so long. It wasn't that I didn't wish to, on the contrary. After I had left them suddenly so many years ago, they had come to visit me every now and then, but it had never been the other way around. I pushed a stray lock of my hair away from my eyes as I rose to my feet carefully. The wind would've no doubt carried my scent by now, alerting them of my presence. I only hoped that I would be welcomed.

As if on cue, the front door swung open. Despite the darkness, I could easily make out the silhouette of the man standing there. I couldn't help the small grin that appeared on my lips as he looked at me, his eyes wide open with a startled expression glued to his features.

"Jasper!"

I took a few step forward, away from the safety of the trees and bowed my head respectfully. "Peter. It's good to see you again."

We continued staring at each other silently for a moment before his long strides took him to where I stood. He clasped my arm in his, a silly-looking grin playing on his lips. "It's been so long! I was starting to believe you had disappeared off the face of the planet or something! How have you been? How did you find us?"

I chuckled at my old friend's enthusiasm, wondering how to answer all the questions he was throwing at me, when a melodic voice interrupted us. "Peter, dear, let the poor man come in the house first." Charlotte chastised her husband gently from her spot near the open door. He shot be an sheepish look and stepped to my side, urging me forward with a hand on my back. "I seem to forget my manners. Please, come in."

Charlotte met us on the last step of the porch, pulling me into a tight embrace. "You have been missed dearly, Jasper." I returned the smaller woman's embrace for a moment before she pulled away and led me into the house.

The room was simple enough, no doubt its previous owners had been simple poor farmers judging from the lack of technology. It was almost as if I had stepped back into the mid 1900's when I had been living with them as a nomad. The wooden walls were bare save for a few photographs here and there, and a crucifix hung above the table on the far end of the room. A single oil lantern rested on the bookcase by the unlit fireplace.

Even if Peter didn't voice his curiousity, I could feel it radiating off him. Charlotte was just as curious, but mostly she felt pleased, probably at seeing me after almost a decade. I took my time, circling the room and gazing around, prolonging the silence, until Peter couldn't take it anymore. "What brings you here, old friend?"

"Have you been living here for long?" I changed the subject, my voice low, as I looked at their reflection in a nearby mirror mounted on the wall. Their blond hair glowed a soft shade of orange as they moved closer to the light the lamp gave out. I clasped my hands behind my back as I gazed absently at the picture of a happy looking couple on the wall in front of me. If photographs could radiate feelings, I was sure the love showing clearly between the man and the woman would have been staggering.

Charlotte answered me as she walked closer to me still and looked at the picture that held my attention. "A few days. We'll have to move soon, just to be on the safe side. It wouldn't do if they had family and they decide to come over."

I nodded, absently wondering where they had disposed of the bodies. While I had spent the last few decades as a vegetarian vampire, they had not renounced on our natural way of feeding. I turned my gaze to Charlotte, and she finally took notice of my eyes despite the poor light in the room.

Their color matched hers perfectly. A small gasp escaped her lips as she took a staggering step back, her shock cutting me to the core. Her husband wasted no time gaining her side and peered at me curiously. "Jasper, what happened?" His tone, although far from criticizing, only served to remind me how badly I had failed.

I shook my head, my eyes founding a safe sanctuary on the worn rug at my feet. "What _didn't_ go wrong?" I let a small sarcastic laugh. "I've failed Alice, betrayed the Cullens' trust and ruined everything they had worked so hard to maintain these past few years. I've killed Edward's soulmate." The last sentence came out as a pained whisper, so low that no humans would've been able to hear it.

Peter's eyebrows shot up. "Edward's mate? I didn't know he had finally found another vampire to love." His grip around Charlotte's waist tightened unconsciously as she leaned into his taller frame. He placed a small kiss on top of her head.

I shook my head sadly. "She wasn't one of us." Both vampires remained in a shocked silence for a few moments as they tried to comprehend what I was saying, but I could feel their burning curiosity carefully hidden behind their neutral expressions. Finally, I put a stop to it and answered. "She was human."

"What!" Peter's sudden cry rang in my sensitive ears and I winced involuntarily. A sudden wave of sympathy from Charlotte made me turn my gaze back to her. She didn't say anything, simply gazed back at me, and I was thankful they didn't press for more information. I didn't want to relive those memories more than necessary. I didn't think my already stained and torned soul could've taken it.

She left her husband's side to walk back to where I still stood and looked up at me. "What are you planning to do now, honey?" Laying a hand gently on my shoulder, she gave it a small squeeze. I tried my best to smile at her, but couldn't bring myself to.

Sighing, I ran a hand through my golden honey locks. "I don't know." It was true. I knew my life with the Cullens was over, but had no clue as to what to do next. Would I become a nomad again? Live off human blood once more? Curling up in a ball and somehow dying would've been much better, but in my case, not quite a possibility.

"You can stay with us for as long as you'd like, if you want." I nodded slowly at Peter's proposition.

It wasn't going to be easy for me, and they knew it. They didn't feel what I felt every time I killed; it was simple, natural for them. They didn't feel the humans' fascination with us when they first saw us, how it quickly turned to curiosity and finally, into excruciating fear and pain as they took their last, dying breaths. Each and every time, I felt their emotions as my own. Each time, praying that as I took their life, that they would in turn drag me to the other side.

It never worked. Each time I opened my eyes after a kill, it was always the same world around me.

And I was going back to that; my own personal hell.


End file.
